Well folks, I had all sorts of fun plans for us this week.
It's Spring Break afterall!
We weren't planning a big trip or anything,
but they were still FUN plans.
- The girls have been wanting to learn how to sew, so this week, I was going to teach them by sewing little dresses for their dolls. I also love showing them that you don't have to spend $30 for a doll outfit, although that would be more convenient. Not having extra money is actually a bonus in a lot of ways, because it forces you to be creative, which makes you love it even more, and in this case, would also provide some good quality time/ teaching time with my girls.
- We also planned 2 hang out times with some of our great friends.
- We planned to go see one of the sweetest ladies in the world and hang out with her for the day.
- I planned to make meals for a friend that's going through a really tough time.
- We planned to have a fun day and take the girls around town...skating, maybe some ice cream, etc... (I'd obviously not be able to do either of those things, but I would have loved to watch).
- and we also planned for lots of good family time (board games, fun dinners in, etc...)
Well, none of that happened. : (
On the first day, my sewing machine wouldn't work.
I've used it zillions of times with no issues, but after hours of trying and me almost pulling my hair out, we decided to wait until the next day and go see if my grandma could help us.
By the next day, I had a fever of 101.5 and a sore throat, that rivals any of my past sore throats. It was strep.
I couldn't talk, sleep, or eat.
Now you'd think I would have a better perspective on a little sore throat after all I have been through, but like I keep telling other people that feel bad telling me about "little issues" they're having. It's not little when it's happening to you. Fever makes you hurt all over and when you're throat is sore, you can't just stop swallowing, though I've definitely tried. It's miserable. On top of that, I also felt horrible because we had to cancel a lot of fun plans on my account. A guilt that's even worse since so many things have been like that this year.... "Mommy can't do that." "Mommy's not feeling good today, I'm sorry."....
The truth is:
My husband and my girls are great, and though they may be disappointed, they are very understanding and that's such a blessing.
This will not always be the case, there will be fun times. We've already had fun times!
Guilt over things I can't control is not from the Lord.
Isn't that what I want anyway!?
I pray daily the He would open doors that need to be openned and close doors that need to be closed, but when He does close a door I want to get all frustrated about it.
I pray that He would thwart any of my plans that don't line up with what He wants me to be doing at that very moment, yet I hold my plans so tightly sometimes.
If being sick is what it takes to make me shut down my plans, then I can even rejoice at His sovereignty even in the "ruined plans."
Maybe He wants me to take my girls to spend extra time with their great grandmother in helping with the doll dresses.
Maybe we needed more time at home together instead of busyness.
Maybe He wants to use me to help my friend after her treatment and was protecting her from any germs I didn't know I had before her treatments.
Maybe I needed to be humbled yet again and reminded that we should make plans in this way...
I don't claim to know the thoughts of the Lord, but I have learned to trust Him. In the unknown, in the heartache, in the pain, in the brokenness, and even in frustration.
As crazy as it sounds, we've never been!! I went when I was a little girl, but that's it. Kennedy has been wanting to go for a LOOOONG time, so this is a dream come true for her. : ) I can't wait to hear all about it when they get back.